Posts tagged ‘hate’

On Marriage

Recently I was discussing the topic of marriage with a good friend. Both of us are divorced and have very vivid stories from manipulative, co dependent relationships. I told him that most people I see getting married I don’t think should be. He confided he felt the same way. This is not because we don’t believe in the bonds of love or the institution of marriage. Quite the opposite, we understand the importance of that commitment, and from where we stand, most people making that leap do not understand it. It is a long term commitment they think they can pull off because of a short term emotional feeling or expression. It is a compromise in order to stay comfortable. It is a self imposed expectation to feel a sense of progress at a certain time in their life. I’ve been divorced for twelve years and in that time I have only seen two couples get married who I internally thought “wow, I’m so happy for these two people”. Two couples in twelve wedding seasons. After my first round of college there were many many college star couples that got married, very few of them are still together.

The pain that comes within marriage are the deepest kinds of hurts, and I’m not talking about financial stress. Financial stress just exacerbates the frustrations and pains that are already there. The pain that is caused by someone who has said that they love you and joined themselves to you are the worst, and many times these things are covered over by smiling family photos on the front of greeting cards. It is not just physical beatings, many times these things are much more nuanced. It doesn’t just happen to women, men are much more private about living with a manipulative, gas lighting angry female. I’ve seen this over and over, on both side, and ultimately what I find is, that the two people should have never gotten married to begin with. They didn’t know each other long enough..or they did and got married out of convenience. Ultimately someone was not being honest, be it with their significant other or to themselves. That second part is much harder…to realize you were not deceived at all, there was no disguise-your wife or husband was always a manipulative, disrespectful jerk and they never hid it…you just refused to accept what they showed you -because you did not want to believe it, or you were trying to prove something or you were just impatient. It is more difficult to get out of that situation.

Of all the analogies I have heard about marriage the most beautiful one came from my divorced friend who was mentioned at the beginning. See we talk about these things because we have enjoyed our single life in the decade or so since our divorces. We have grown and healed and seen many friends bite the bullet too soon, and drown as a result. We’ve seen people get married because they were in love with the idea of a wedding. We have seen them engaged because they didn’t want to be alone. He told me that he didn’t know what made people get married today, or at least the younger people. People used to choose a mate to join their family…yes they created their own family but it was an extension of the one they had. He described his step mother who became a sister to his fathers sisters, and who also respected the mother he was born to. He described the joining of two families, not as crazy in laws that make up the main fodder for comics and chic flicks…but as two communities building a fortress. Sadly today, most young people romanticize a notion built in a love song that says “its you and me against the world” and “no one understands” and if the family doesn’t like it ..well we are hell bent on doing it…Well me and any very young divorcee can tell you “been there done that…and a two years later woke up (hopefully without children but most of the time not) with the shades off our eyes, having to deal with the reality.

There are friends and there are lovers, and I think everyone that passes through our lives serves a purpose. If I have a lover, I have a lover. If I have a friend then I have a friend. Maybe someone who is both. But if I choose a husband, he needs to be a brother to my brothers, and a son to my mother, and someone my family doesn’t have to lose sleep worrying about because my life is in his hands and he couldn’t care less. I know what is like for someone to say they love you yet insult and hate everything you come from. I know what it is like to be married to someone who makes fun of your family. I know what it is like to be married to someone who hurts you, in some way, that drains you to the point that it takes twelve years to get over. Sadly many of these things could be avoided by ourselves, if we look in the mirror and understand our reflection. If we cannot live with ourselves alone, then we cannot live with ourselves joined to anyone else either. If we don’t know ourselves, we should not give that opportunity to anyone else. If we are trying to progress and find ourselves, or if we just thinks this is what is expected or what should be done-we are still doing it wrong. Women around the world are still forced into arranged marriages and beg to get married for the right reasons…they would do anything for the time we have to NOT get married. Enjoy your life, find yourself and yes learn from others, dont go dashing down any aisles until they have seen you evolve and grow and you have seen them do the same and the kinship remains.

People always ask me why I’m not married. Or when I’m getting married. Now they just ask me when I plan on having kids…which is another level of personal that is no ones business. It used to make me angry, and I gave some kind of neon feminist answer. It doesn’t make me angry anymore, because I’m not angry anymore. I have enjoyed my life and have had ample opportunity to grow and learn and will continue to do so. I also understand that nothing that is alive stays stagnate-so the illusion that I have to stop moving to get married no longer holds my thoughts on the ordeal. My answer now is, I know what marriage is…and anyone I marry needs to understand and respect it as well. I know who I am now, and it would have been wrong -and selfish-of me to marry someone not knowing that. It would have been more of the same. That is how long it takes sometimes for people to heal over emotional abuse, and isolation from other loved ones. We used to have a saying at the Bible College I attended a decade ago…”why am I with you”…it was an exercise for paired off students to really comprehend and articulate in their minds why they were a. dating b. engaged. Needless to say it was hard for some people to answer. Before anyone gets married they should be able to coherently answer that question, without fantasy or ideals-but thoughts on the continuum of souls and families joining and what that means present and future tense.


Insane Bandwagons

If last year racism was the bandwagon of distraction and the tool of further implementation of America’s self loathing, this year it is gender politics. Oh no that was probably already there. They’ve been working on it for half a century haven’t they? All I can see is complete and utter madness. Remember when Elton John wouldn’t boycott Arizona? That was five years ago and the world is considerably meaner and less tolerant, and I mean that in the purest sense of the word and not the diluted and one sided version of propaganda When a full blown social media and internet attack is waged against a small town pizza parlor over some lazy and irresponsible and fishing journalism, this shows a. lack of critical thinking b. lack of serious objectivity c. lack of any compassion and some serious judgmental issues. When twitter attacks go up because of outrage over a voluntary donation drives to keep said small business up and running, this shows how truly hateful twitter knights really are. The outrage and media propping of outrage over Indiana and Arkansas recently has little to do with civil rights. We live in a country where people can alter their physical appearance and identify as their opposite sex, this is not the same as identifying as a homosexual but instead it is identifying as the opposite sex. We live in a country that does this and rarely does anybody debate about these things anymore. Mainly because if you do, you are called a bigot, a hate monger, a nut job….if I ask questions pertaining to the obvious then I am (to the internet world and to political agendas) a bigot and a hater. So if we are talking about rights and social pressures, then let us acknowledge that big name celebrities are boycotting an entire state … I love the work of Sherman Alexie, but I’m glad I am not a resident or student residing in Indiana-since he is canceling his speaking engagements at Notre Dame and elsewhere in the state…thus making students and possible fans suffer because he thinks the state has turned into a Nazi’s dream. Does anybody see the irony here? When did the word “hate” lose its meaning? This is like radical feminism trying to demean what defines rape, which does nothing to help real rape victims and perpetuates a stereotype and demonizing of men and so does this kind of media coverage and lack of intelligent thought. Here is a brave video blogger doing something that no one else dared.

You know why this is not open for discussion…because if we bring this up then the circle goes back around to say “you hateful, racist, fear mongering bigot”. The issue for me is not about Islam as I have known several muslims, the issue is not about gays and lesbians, as I have five gay friends. The issue is that in America, we are allowed to be, look like and do pretty much what we want to do. Will there be individual haters? Yes. Will there be starers? Yes? Is that “hate” no. We can have laws to protect us from unlawful discrimination, but we should have laws that make it illegal for someone to think different. This would only make the world more homogeneous than it already is. Steven Crowder, in the above video calls this “Cultural Marxism” and it is interesting to me that of all the “cultural” references that have been shoved down our throats for the past decade, this one is the most true. The truth is that women are being stoned, lashed, raped and beheaded all over the middle east (except for Israel). Homosexuals are routinely pushed off the top of buildings, in the middle east (except for Israel). People are beheaded for possessing hash, stating dissenting viewpoints, being a woman, and lovers who are not married are stoned. And in every middle eastern country (except Israel) Christians are beheaded, imprisoned or sentenced to one hundred lashes for converting to Christianity to begin with. We in the west kind of shrug like “man those holy wars and middle east -one day they’ll all kill each other off and the world will be better”. Yeah, because those men who were singing while ISIS cut off their heads were really fighting in all their hateful anger weren’t they? This is not fear mongering this is recorded and bragged about. This is just facts. In the United States, on the quiet, laws are being passed and regulatory measures being enforced so that no one can state these facts or question them. This is not fear mongering this just is. So while gay activist are threatening to burn down Memories Pizza because it’s little owner was fed leading questions until she answered finally that they probably would not “cater a gay wedding” (my guess is that she probably would cater no wedding because it is a PIZZA joint) I think they should consider that in this war for the most part only one side is doing the fighting. Kind of like those attacks I previously mentioned. Left progressiveness has become just as dogmatic as any religion.So is it a war? Is it a war when a business does not want to participate in an event that conflicts with the way they live or view the world. Would you want to do business with someone who feels like this to begin with? Is it hate?

I get my hair cut and dyed by a man who is openly and unashamedly gay. I hug him and tip him, and send him business every time I can. If he decided that he did not want to cut my hair because my world view conflicts with his, I think that would be discriminatory (and if that was the case I wouldn’t complain I just wouldn’t get my hair done there). If I asked him to church and he declined then that would not be hateful. If he asked me to bar tend at a gay bar for a drag event, and I said that I felt uncomfortable with that then this would  not be hateful. What would be hateful is if I didn’t do business with him because he is gay. What would be hateful is if I didn’t eat food made by a gay baker because gay hands had touched it. What would be hateful is if I refused to be shuttled by a lesbian because I have some kind of complex and fear close proximity from a woman. What would be hateful is if I threatened (on social media, television or otherwise) that I wished gay owned businesses to burn. Have their been hateful sects. Of course, Westboro Baptist was a cult, and that is another fact. Still, we are in America and there are many many different denominations and foundations and cults. So putting a blanket context over the word “Christian” or “religion” in order to stigmatize, while blatantly ignoring true hate, serves a purpose and agenda that has little to do with what is actually being propagated. While all eyes are on Indiana, and celebrities jump on the ship, and big rich white corporations pass regulations on “specifically” Christian employs and boycotts Indiana I see the bonds of cultural Marxism and it’s beloved twin Islam and I wonder what country we live in. We hate ourselves, we really do. We either fall to the sin of pride and entitlement (no matter which side we are on) or we self loathe and victim identify to the point we only see what must be being done to us, even if we have to make shit up. And oh God, since so much has been done in the name of ignorance we see ourselves as the worst and the scourge of the earth. I will tell you this, Jesus never said to kill for him…so anyone that does is not of Him. That is one judgement that can be made. Muhammed was a warlord and did kill and have killed for him. So if you threaten to burn down small businesses, and boycott entire states, and use corporate statuses as ways of silencing people and expunge only certain religious people from our military, then what god are you doing it in the name of now? Sounds like prideful narcissism that comes from self loathing. Is this how we define ourselves? Are we in such an identity crisis that we do not state facts but instead we rebel against any notion that represents the past and it’s traditions…but we also reject any intellect of the past and it’s discussions or analysis. I really enjoy listening to  Camille Paglia, an atheist, feminist lesbian who has more academic sense then anyone on the feminist scene today and probably from her time. It is known that Gloria Stienem and her wing of feminism hates Paglia and discredits her, but Paglia had something more to say about the radical and mindless activism of today: From

Camille Paglia is a gay feminist and Professor of Humanities and Media Studies at the University of the Arts, where she has taught since 1984. In this recent interview, Dennis Prager asked about what Paglia calls “fascism and the gay left“: “Where have you – a gay woman – received more hatred from; the “religious right” or the “gay left”? Paglia: (Laughter) And I’m an atheist! Yeah, I’ve received (hate) entirely from the left.

“There’s absolutely no doubt that the feminist establishment and the gay activist establishment tried to destroy me. When I arrived on the scene with a 700 page book published by Yale University Press in 1990, and without reading it, all they heard were certain remarks I made about this and that that deviated from the agenda.  The orchestrated campaign was not to be believed …  I fought back against it and, for the first time they had an opponent who could return fire.  My credentials are out there as a feminist as an open gay long before theirs.  So I have outlasted them all.  They’ve all faded, they’ve all fallen apart.  We have some very third-rate people running the feminist organizations and gay activist ones and so on…”

Unfortunately, hundreds of gay activist groups are still funded by the pharmaceutical industry, which uses gay activists to market HIV and AIDS and attack those who question their relationship as bigots and homophobes. As a tenured atheist lesbian professor, Paglia has enough leftist credentials and income to protect her from attack.  But for the 99 percent of Americans who are not homosexual atheists, these groups continue to do great harm to them – and the United States.

Be careful who you attack you might burn some allies.
Can we have some realistic and sensible discussions now? At least while the republic still stands?

%d bloggers like this: